A number of people have recently become upset with me. I have not heard all the details yet, but it seems related to my recent decision not to work with someone who lied to me and made excuses when I confronted them about it. An informal conversation recently took place between a few dozen people, and I was not there. Some people complained that I am an intense person and sometimes do not notice other peoples' emotions, and a friend diagnosed me with neuro-divergence. She later told me what she said. I wrote the following in response, lightly edited for this blog post.
I want to respond to your comment about neuro-divergence. We didn’t call it neuro-divergence when you had low self-esteem for much of your life and became very insecure when that social storm happened to you a few years ago, nor when Andrew lied to me then misrepresented my response to a crowd of other people. We don’t label people with integrity-deficit-disorder or confidence-deficit-disorder.
What behavior people diagnose with a mental health disorder is basically arbitrary. In some cases it may help shed light on some pattern based on chemical toxin exposure, nutrient deficiency, or something else, but mostly it’s a way of stigmatizing certain emotional patterns while tolerating others. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and giving people official-sounding medical labels for their weaknesses is unhelpful and dehumanizing. As I like to say - let the person with no emotional issues whatsoever assign the first label.
A major implication of such diagnoses is that the mental/emotional problem is not simply a pattern that can be grown out of, but something inherent and either unhealable or can be healed/covered up only with drugs. For example, when someone gets the label autistic, most people will just lower their expectations for that person rather than help them grow. Once I get labeled neuro-divergent, who would pull me aside to help me see things I don’t? Why help someone if "that’s just how he is"? But I have learned to tune in much better over the years. Why not just say "That's a weakness of Whip's which I've seen him working on"?
Or take the example of depression - I have read repeatedly that one observed pattern is that depressed people are commonly less willing to pretend to believe the lies of the culture around them, and less willing to maintain unfounded optimism than most. No wonder they’re depressed! Better put them on anti-depressants. Many of these people could be great sources of positive change if helped to channel their gifts for the greater good. Instead I believe America drugs its latent spiritual leaders into submission. I believe many heavily diagnosed and drugged Americans simply have gifts that their society does not welcome. Instead of adjusting our unhealthy society, we drug and stigmatize our children into sameness. I don't believe we actually know what a fully emotionally healthy person is even like! Most people have never met one.
So, thanks for telling me what you said. I am still deeply grateful for the stands you took in my defense. And, I do not support that diagnosis and I do not consider it constructive. I ask you to find other ways to help people relate to me and to each other.
